We headed to Anderson, Indiana, home of "Hoosier Park and Casino". Yep, it's called Hoosier Park. I don't make this stuff up people. Although, in Indiana, the term hoosier has a much different connotation than it does in Missouri. Apparently, they take pride in the term. However, most of the people at the track that day could be classified as a hoosier by Missouri standards. It amazes me what people wear and obviously thinks looks good. Painted on jeans, crop tops with the muffin top spilling out and sleeveless denim shirts with microscopic mini skirts. It was a people watcher's dream.
When we first got there, we had absolutely no idea where to start. I've never bet on a horse before, what do I know? We decided to head outside since it was such a nice day and check out the track. There weren't that many people at the track that day and most of them were outside. We found some seats in the shade to look at our "Wagering Tips" guidelines and were promptly greeted by a half dozen rambunctious children screaming for no good reason. Ahhhh...parenting at its finest. We left our post and headed to the gates by the track to watch as a race was about to start.
They started on the other side the track and we could barely make out the horses in their starting stalls. A few seconds later and they were off and the crowd. went. wild. Literally, people were yelling and screaming like mad men. They lady next to me just kept saying "Come On! Come On!" No clue which horse she was yelling at. (I did look to see if there was a horse name Come On though...no such luck.) I decided to join in on the fun and started screaming "Come On!" as well. Meredith looked at me like I was crazy and just shook her head. I still have no idea which horse won or if the lady next to me won anything, but our adrenaline was pumping after that. We got there in the late afternoon, so they had just finished Race #5 out of 9.
Man, those jockeys are tiny!
I should mention that just like at casinos, alcohol is ridiculously cheap. They'd rather you spend your money on gambling than drinking. Plus, the cheaper the alcohol, the more you drink, the more you spend on the horses. These people are geniuses. A big frosty draft of Bud Light was only $2.25. This could get dangerous, kids.
We wanted to place some bets, but we first had to buy the program to make our picks. Holy hell, we have to BUY the program? That seems a bit ridiculous, but at least it was only $3. We got the program and it was the size of a small magazine. And I think the font size was not meant for human eyes. Sweet mother, I almost needed a magnifying glass to read all the crap associated with each horse! Do people actually read all that junk?
The information was incredibly overwhelming...what do I give a crap about the horse's lineage? I know it's important, blah blah blah, but I could care less. Age, color, number of wins, jockey's winning percentages, race day medications, the list went on and on. We had roughly 5 minutes to place a bet on the next race and I was not going to be deciperhing the code anytime soon. So, I went with my gut, and chose a horse based entirely on which one had a cool name. And I chose "Watchmeshakeit". Seriously, this was its name. Best. Horse Name. Ever. (My second choice was "Happy Bottom"!) My horse had 5 to 1 odds, so it probably wouldn't be a big pay out, but I didn't care. Meredith chose Derby Street Doll based on its odds, which were 20 to 1.
We felt like naive little children when we went to place our bets because we seriously had no idea what the crap to do. And we had less than two minutes to figure it out before the race started. We opted to try the self-wagering kiosks so our idiocy would be less recognizable. The minimum bet was $2, so I put my Washingtons in and stared blankly at the screen. Wow, lots of information. I found "Hoosier Park" as the park to bet at. I didn't realize you could bet on horses at other tracks. Then, you pick if you want the horse to Win, Place or Show. We hadn't really had a chance to cover that in our wagering instructions, so I just picked Place. Then I chose the number of the horse that I wanted. But in my newbieness (I just made that word up), I wasn't sure if I did everything right. Ah well, it'd only be $2 down the drain if I f'd it up. Out popped my ticket and it was Mere's turn. She did the same thing for her horse and we headed back down to our seats (inside this time) to await the race.
Our view of the track.
We didn't have much time to waste at all before they were bursting out of the starting gates. Of course you can't see the horses at this point, unless you look at the big screen tvs. I immediately recognized Mere's horse because of the color of its sashes. Holy crap, she's in second place. Woo-hooo!! I proceeded to tell her she's in second place and she says "hey, dummy, your horse is in first". WTF? It is? Hot damn, I realized that I had read the wrong color for my horse and hadn't even realized mine was neck and neck with Meredith's. WOOOOOO-HOOOO! I started getting really excited...and by excited, I mean I started cheering and clapping and acting like an all-around fool. It was great. "Come on Watchmeshakeit!" had an entirely new meaning to it after that day!
A few seconds later and I realized I had won money on my very first attempt at horse betting, all because Watchmeshakeit came in second. Awesome! Mere's horse came in a close 3rd because "Rego Rose" had edged both of ours out in the end. We had since figured out that to bet to "Win", your horse obviously had to win to get any money. "Place" means your horse had to come in first or second, and "Show" is if your horse finishes in the top three. Crap. Mere just barely lost out. But I won money. Score! I had no idea how much, but I didn't think it could be more than $10 or $12 at the best.
And thus started our thirst for horse racing. We had been up and down and around that place like a half dozen times already, so we decided to just place our best for the final 3 races all at once. And we'd go up to the window this time. I was feelin' lucky...sorta. Meredith and I bet $2 on all 3 and bet on our horses to Show for each of them. I went solely on horse's names, Mere tried her hand at a little bit more complicated process that involved jockeys and odds. The second race I bet on "Ok NoThanksForAskin" with 4-1 odds, and Mere did "Got A Question" with 6-1 odds. (I should mention that we got quite a laugh from yelling for our two horses that race.) The third race I picked "FueledByMoonshine" at 6-1 odds and Mere did Misleader at 5-2. And the final race I picked "Dr. Jasper" (yeah, that was the most clever name out of all of them) at 20-1 odds and Mere did "Seattle By The Sea" at 7-2 odds. I owed $6 for my betting, but the lady behind the counter informed me that my first ticket was a winner of $7, so she gave me back a buck. Hot damn. I'm rich. We then grabbed another round at the bar and made our way back to our seats to watch the show.
There's roughly 30 minutes between each race, but it's really not that much time. By the time the horses get put away by the handlers, the track gets smoothed down and the new horses get escorted around the track to warm up, it's pretty much time to race again. We saw that none of the horses raced more than once in a day, but the jockeys raced multiple times on different horses. That's a ton of horses. There were 9 full races and 4 quarterhorse races. Each race had between 6 and 9 horses racing at a time. Where do all these horses come from?!
So, now it was time for our second race and we were poised and ready. We each knew what color our horse was this time and were looking forward to Got A Question and Ok NoThanksForAskin to kick some horse tail. The gun sounded and they were off to a quick start. Holy crap, our two horses were out in front AGAIN! By a lot. Like a lot, a lot. They were smokin' the other horses. I got super excited until Meredith asked me "Have you ever watched horse movies?" I guess I was too excited about our horses breaking free of the pack. But, I wasn't to be disappointed. Again my horse finished second! Got A Question delivered a solid performance until the home stretch, where it finished dead last. Yep, from second to last in a matter of seconds. But, holy crap, I'm on a roll. Can my luck hold out for two more races?
We didn't have much time to waste at all before they were bursting out of the starting gates. Of course you can't see the horses at this point, unless you look at the big screen tvs. I immediately recognized Mere's horse because of the color of its sashes. Holy crap, she's in second place. Woo-hooo!! I proceeded to tell her she's in second place and she says "hey, dummy, your horse is in first". WTF? It is? Hot damn, I realized that I had read the wrong color for my horse and hadn't even realized mine was neck and neck with Meredith's. WOOOOOO-HOOOO! I started getting really excited...and by excited, I mean I started cheering and clapping and acting like an all-around fool. It was great. "Come on Watchmeshakeit!" had an entirely new meaning to it after that day!
A few seconds later and I realized I had won money on my very first attempt at horse betting, all because Watchmeshakeit came in second. Awesome! Mere's horse came in a close 3rd because "Rego Rose" had edged both of ours out in the end. We had since figured out that to bet to "Win", your horse obviously had to win to get any money. "Place" means your horse had to come in first or second, and "Show" is if your horse finishes in the top three. Crap. Mere just barely lost out. But I won money. Score! I had no idea how much, but I didn't think it could be more than $10 or $12 at the best.
And thus started our thirst for horse racing. We had been up and down and around that place like a half dozen times already, so we decided to just place our best for the final 3 races all at once. And we'd go up to the window this time. I was feelin' lucky...sorta. Meredith and I bet $2 on all 3 and bet on our horses to Show for each of them. I went solely on horse's names, Mere tried her hand at a little bit more complicated process that involved jockeys and odds. The second race I bet on "Ok NoThanksForAskin" with 4-1 odds, and Mere did "Got A Question" with 6-1 odds. (I should mention that we got quite a laugh from yelling for our two horses that race.) The third race I picked "FueledByMoonshine" at 6-1 odds and Mere did Misleader at 5-2. And the final race I picked "Dr. Jasper" (yeah, that was the most clever name out of all of them) at 20-1 odds and Mere did "Seattle By The Sea" at 7-2 odds. I owed $6 for my betting, but the lady behind the counter informed me that my first ticket was a winner of $7, so she gave me back a buck. Hot damn. I'm rich. We then grabbed another round at the bar and made our way back to our seats to watch the show.
There's roughly 30 minutes between each race, but it's really not that much time. By the time the horses get put away by the handlers, the track gets smoothed down and the new horses get escorted around the track to warm up, it's pretty much time to race again. We saw that none of the horses raced more than once in a day, but the jockeys raced multiple times on different horses. That's a ton of horses. There were 9 full races and 4 quarterhorse races. Each race had between 6 and 9 horses racing at a time. Where do all these horses come from?!
So, now it was time for our second race and we were poised and ready. We each knew what color our horse was this time and were looking forward to Got A Question and Ok NoThanksForAskin to kick some horse tail. The gun sounded and they were off to a quick start. Holy crap, our two horses were out in front AGAIN! By a lot. Like a lot, a lot. They were smokin' the other horses. I got super excited until Meredith asked me "Have you ever watched horse movies?" I guess I was too excited about our horses breaking free of the pack. But, I wasn't to be disappointed. Again my horse finished second! Got A Question delivered a solid performance until the home stretch, where it finished dead last. Yep, from second to last in a matter of seconds. But, holy crap, I'm on a roll. Can my luck hold out for two more races?
At this point I noticed people giving me weird looks and staring openly at my excitement. Screw 'em. We were having a good time. I was really getting into this horse racing stuff. We proceeded to try to comprehend the program more intently. I think this is what the Rosetta Stone is supposed to decode. We also had our pictures taken with the jockey/horse mascot roaming through the crowd. He had a jockey uniform on, a stuffed horse head and hooves. And he kinda smelled like a sweaty horse. Go figure.
Awesome.
Next race...come on FueledByMoonshine...make mama proud! But...not so much. Both my horse and Misleader sucked it up big time. Our horses were neck and neck again, but they finished in 4th and 5th places. No win for us. Damn. Maybe our last race would net Mere some cash flow.
Like our second race, the final race was the entire length of the track. I was hoping for big money on this bad boy. Or at least another $7. My horse once again sucked sugar cubes, but Meredith's horse turned in a brilliant second place finish. You go Seattle By The Sea! Woo-hooo, go Mere! She got super giddy and when I teased her about it, she told me "Shut up and let me have my win, b*@$h!" Yep, she's my best friend. :)
So, four races done and between the two of us, we won at three of them. I'd say that was a successful day! We went to cash in our tickets to see how much we won, and Ok NoThanksForAskin scored me $4.20 and Seattle By the Sea netted Mere $3. Oh yeah, we're high rollers now.
The remaining races were the quarter horses. We watched one race, that was just 400 yards long, but we didn't stick around much longer than that. I think the novelty/luck kinda wore off. We still had a great time though. I may try out the horse track at Fairmont Park in Illinois sometime, but I will still never be a serious gambler.
Thanks to Mere for suggesting the trip and joining me on my first post-30 New Thing!
