New Thing #57 - Siplicity

Yes, the title is spelled correctly. It's Siplicity, the name of the winery 5 of us plan on starting soon. This is due to the fact that I went on a winery crawl for the first time today. I went with my friends Betsy and Natalie and their friend Kelly for her birthday. Kelly's sister, Crystal also joined us.

Believe it or not, I've never been to a real winery, only that wine bar I went to a year or so ago (which, by the way was awesome, and I'm sad it closed down). Since I didn't really dip my toes into the wine pool until a few years ago, wineries weren't my thing. Nor did any of my friends really go to wineries back in the day. After I started drinking wine, I was really only limited to Rieslings, so it's taken awhile for me to really enjoy other wines. And now that I've expanded my repertoire, I was finally able to make it happen.

We headed to Southern Illinois, south of Carbondale this morning to the Shawnee Hills Wine Trail. There are a dozen wineries all within minutes of each other, nestled down back country roads. It took us about an hour and a half to two hours to get to the first one, StarView Vineyards, and we arrived right at lunchtime. And it wasn't exactly what I was expecting. I guess I had in my head that wineries were huge, acres and acres of grape vines and vast, spralling estates sprinkled with numerous buildings. Nope. This first vineyard had only two main buildings, a small section of grape vines and little pond out back. I never would have guessed it was a winery on first glance. It was cute though and I was excited to have a look.

StarView!

The main building.

The barn out back.

Upon entry, there was a bar dotted with people having their tasting, so we walked around for a few minutes. There was the main entry hall with the wine bar and gift shop, a side room filled with tables and chairs that could serve as a dining hall during the chillier months or a reception hall for an event. And off the back was a nice deck overlooking the pond and grapevines, filled with umbrella tables. Once the hall cleared out, we took our turn with our tasting. As I've stated before, I much prefer sweeter wines than the dry, so I took the sweet route, along with Natalie and Kelly, while Betsy and Crystal went with the dry route. Our tasting included 5 wines and our first was Vidal Blanc, a semi-sweet wine with nothing special. I mean it tasted okay, but I wasn't blown away by it. Next was the Venus and it was slightly sweeter, and rolled around on my tongue a bit more. (I have no idea what that means, but it sounds cool.) The third was my favorite, the Moonlight White, and I immediately took to this one. Natalie and Kelly agreed that it was their favorite so far as well. The fourth, Silver Star, knocked me over when I smelled it. It was bad, I mean like dirty socks bad. Okay, so it didn't smell like dirty socks, but it wasn't a great smell. I couldn't imagine it tasting very good, but I gave it a shot anyways. And I was surprised that it tasted a lot like grape juice. The lady explained to us that this wine was made with the same grapes used to make white grape juice. How could something smell so bad and yet taste like something as good as grape juice? The taste of it was good, but I knew I'd never be able to make it through an entire bottle. It was just too sweet.

Inner dining hall.

Grapes!

Pond off the back deck.

The final thing we all tasted was their Sangria and it was a little party in my mouth. It was light red with a sweetness that wasn't overpowering and it was heavenly. The minute we tasted it, we all agreed to split a pitcher of this angelic nectar. We ordered some appetizers and then headed out to the patio to relax. We nibbled on (and by nibbled I mean engulfed) our spinach and artichoke dip, bread and oil and olive tapenade. The amount of bread they gave us could have fed an entire village. But, considering the way we were pounding Sangria, it's a good thing we had all that bread.

Mmmm...oil and bread.

Spinach artichoke dip and bread.

Crystal, Kelly, me, Betsy & Natalie

After finishing our Sangria, and you know, the food, we decided to make our way to the next winery on our list. But not before Kelly, Natalie and I all purchased a bottle of the Moonlight White. Next on our list was Owl Creek Vineyard, and it was just a short hop skip and a jump away from StarView. Owl Creek was smaller in scale than StarView, but it was charming and quaint and didn't come across as cheesy even though they played on the owl theme. We had a quick tasting here that once again consisted of the Sweets. Betsy joined Kelly, Natalie and I on this route, whereas Crystal stayed with the dry theme. The first was Whooo's Blush, a rose wine with a strawberry undertone. It was kind of dry, but not too bad. The lady serving us said that it was the second most popular of the sweets. Next was the Water Valley White and it used two grapes, tasting a lot like the Silver Star from Starview. Except this one wasn't as overly sweet like the other one. It still tasted a lot like grape juice, but it was a bit more tarty (this is why I will never be a wine conossieur. I use words like tarty to describe wine.) I really liked it. Number three was Ruby Red Concord and tasted a lot like the Water Valley White as well, but I didn't like it as much. It was almost too grape-juicey for me. Fourth was Zengeist, named after two of their owls, that was a dessert wine. This one was pretty fantastic as well. Finally we tried the Framboise, another dessert wine with raspberry and brandy undertones that packed quite a kick at the end. I found out why when she told us this wine had the highest alcohol content of all of the wines. Right-o. That one'll knock you on your ass.

This was smaller than StarView.

More grapes!

Me & Betsy by the cool sign.

Nat & Bets

We didn't spend a lot of time at Owl Creek, mainly because it was smaller and didn't have as much room to spread out. We quickly finished our tastings, each bought a bottle of wine (I bought the Water Valley White) and headed out. Oh and we also kept our tasting glasses because they were awesome. I ended up with a total of 3 tasting glasses for the day. I now have some random additions to my tiny wine glass collection.

Von Jakob Vineyard was third on our list and it was about 20 or so miles from Owl Creek. All that wine and good food made me nap for a bit during the drive. At first glance, Von Jakob looked less like a winery than the first two. It wasn't nestled among the trees and situated by a little pond off the beaten path with charming little buildings. Nope. It was a giant tool shed right off the road. The grape vines were out back, but it definitely didn't look like a vineyard. It could have been a biker bar for all I knew. We saw enough of those in the tiny towns we drove through to get to each winery.

The back deck of the tool shed.

The scenic view.

Our tasting was completely free here, where both the other wineries charged a few bucks and only let us try 5 wines. At Von Jakob, which I swear I kept calling Von Trapp all day, they let us try as many wines as we wanted. And try we did. I couldn't even keep track of how many I tasted. Not that I was drunk, but there were so many coming at us so quickly. I have no idea what order I tried these in, but here ya go: Hillside White - semi-dry, Jonathan Apple - sweet, Late Harvest Vidal - sweet, Hillside Red - semi-dry, Honey Peach - semi-sweet, She's a Peach - sweet. I think I tried more than that, but these I know for sure. And I loved every single one of them. Even the red wine. Probably because it was only semi-dry. I knew that this place could be very dangerous since everything tasted so good.

The outside may have looked like a tool shed, but the inside was rather large and the back patio area was huge. They let us take food outside, so we bought a pitcher of the Jonathan Apple Spritzer to take with us. The spritzer was a bottle of the JA wine, 1/2 can of Sprite, orange juice, pineapple juice and sliced oranges and apples. Again, I think this is what angels' sweat tastes like. The girls had packed cooler upon cooler of food for us to eat so we wouldn't have to pay for winery fare. And eat we did. You'd think we were staying for three days. We had 5 different kinds of dips/spreads, 4 different kinds of cheeses, 3 different kinds of crackers, grapes, watermelon, celery, M&M's, you name it. We tore into that food like a pack of vultures on a fresh kill. Seriously it was kind of out of control.

Some of the food.

This is part of the wine label. The bottle was sweating due to the heat and the label came right off. And I had the bright idea of sticking it on my arm. Yeah, I'm brilliant. Until I tried to pull it off my skin.

Somewhere during our feast, Kelly purchased us some wine to drink, and I believe it was the Honey Peach. I liked it during the tasting. At first sip it was light, refreshing and sweet. At 54th sip, it was little too overpowering it its sweetness and I think it made me a little nauseous. (But that could have just been because of the 8 pounds of food I just pounded.) Also at some point a rowdy group of hoosiers (not the kind from Indiana) sat at the table a few feet from us. And about 4.5 seconds later some girl dropped her wine glass in her rowdiness, causing them to move to the table directly behind us (and blocking the fan. A$$holes.). Seriously the guy behind me was sitting so close that I could hear his little brain cells crying out in torture. Every time he got up (which was often), his plastic chair would ram into the back of mine. "Oh sorry, if we're bothering you ladies, just let us know." You think? A few of the girls were more plastic than organic material and one girl was keeping a stick in her purse. Seriously. A stick. They told us they were riding around in a dilapidated bus, and Natalie swore it was the rusty old bus we passed at another winery a few hours before. We never did confirm this, but I believe she was right.

We spent quite a bit of time at Von Trapp, oops Von Jakob, and it was an incredible amount of fun. You can't beat gorgeous weather, good company, good food and good wine. On our way out, we passed through their inner hall and discovered the funniest thing of the day. Granted, we were all a bit tipsy at this point (some more than others), but there was a lovely version of "Born to be Wild" being sung. By a guy slightly stuck in the 80s with gray hair and the patchy facial hair of a teenage boy. It was probably the most unenergetic version of that song. Ever. But the best part? There were about a half dozen silver-hairs boogeying their little hearts out. It was absolutely hysterical in the best possible way. I hope when I'm a grandmother, I can still shake my money-maker to Steppenwolf by a washed-up wedding singer.

Oh yeah, and rather than walking around the dance floor and the group as a whole, Natalie decided to walk right through the middle, causing everyone to gape at her in horror. It's amazing none of those people took a switch to her.

Our final destination was to be Rustle Hill Winery and this place was gorgeous. This was a bit more of what I was expecting. It's main hall was intricately decorated with indoor seating, an outdoor patio, a terraced hill dotted with picnic tables and benches all facing a stage, flanked by a pond. Up the hill were cabins that could be rented. It was stunning. Our tasting here consisted of 6 wines and we could choose anything they had. I started with Vignoles, a semi-sweet white that was pretty good. Next was Chardonel, a semi-sweet white that I didn't like at all. The Sweet Seyval Blanc was a sweet white that was pretty darn tasty (but, who am I kidding. About this time of the day, they really all started to taste the same). I tried a dry red, Cabernet Franc and it tasted a bit like how I think a cotton ball would taste if I dipped it in grape juice and sucked it til it was dry. Then, we tried their Sangria, of which they had two varieties. The first was their red, made with Chambourcin, a dry red. I actually really liked this. Next was the peach, made with their Chardonel. I liked this even better, which is shocking, since I didn't like the actual wine itself. Then, ohhhh, she suggested we mix the two together, and it was an explosion of awesomeness in my mouth. That's really the only way I can describe it. It was the last thing I tasted of the day and they definitely saved the best for last. We all agreed again to snag a pitcher of this, and we headed back outside to end our day. It seemed to be a Sangria kind of day.

We had the munchies again, so we snacked on some of our remaining stash and listened to some of the live music wafting our way. It was such a great end to a wonderful day. The weather was perfect, the company was great, and the wine (especially the Sangria) was exactly what I needed on a nice holiday weekend.

Our final stop.

The drive back was interesting though. Natalie's husband was our DD, and the poor guy had to listen to 5 drunk girls ramble on for an hour or so until the sun went down. As soon it started to get dark though, we were all passed out in various states of inebriation until we made it back to St. Louis. I call that a day well spent.

New Thing #56 - You're the Inspiration

I hope after reading the title you have that damn song in your head, because I do after having typed it. Ah well. Tonight I went to a book signing and met one of my relatively new favorite authors: Jen Lancaster, a nonfiction author who embodies the type of writer I'd like to be. She's not necessarily the inspiration for the blog itself - that I credit to the chick who was featured in Cosmo, but I credit Jen as my inspiration for the tone and humor I get out of ridiculous situations.

I first read one of Jen's book a few years ago when my best friend Meredith gave me one for my birthday. I believe Meredith read a few pages and instantly knew it would be my kind of book. The title was "Bright Lights, Big Ass" and was Jen's second memoir, chronicling her life of going from a high-powered executive buying $500 purses to being unemployed and shopping at Target. From the moment I started reading it, I fell in love with her. The way she wrote her books was a lot like the way I feel about my life and some of the ridiculous shenanigans that occur. She just managed to bottle all that craziness and capitalize on it. I couldn't put the book down and immediately went out to buy her first book and eagerly anticipated her third. Never had I felt so connected to an author before her. Not that we really had anything in common whatsoever. She lives in Chicago, would punch her own grandmother in the face for an expensive purse and wears pearls and plaid. I live in St. Louis, the archenemy of Chicagoans, refuse to pay more than $25 (on sale at Kohl's) for a purse and don't own any "fancy" expensive jewelry for fear it will get flushed down the toilet or eaten by a jungle cat. Hey, it could happen. So, other than our love for wit and sarcasm, and turning crappy situations into page turners, we got nothin'.

So, back to the point, she's a fabulous writer who takes her humor and uses it to bank on impossible situations. She's seriously awesome at it. Like Chuck Norris awesome. I even believe she has a cat named Chuck Norris. Which just makes her more awesome. And she coins phrases like "bat-shit-ham-sandwich-butterfinger-crazy". I will be stealing this phrase soon. My friend Brenda is also a big fan and was also inspired to write her blog after reading Jen's books and her blog. Side note: I did not know Jen had a blog until 4 days ago, and I feel like a boob for not knowing that. Anywho, Brenda follows her blog and noticed that she was touring to publicize her new book: "My Fair Lazy" and saw that she would be in the good ol' STL tonight. Knowing that I would be a good partner in crime, she invited me to come with.

The book signing was held at the Mad Art Gallery, and I am mad (haha, get it) as hell at myself for never having been to this little gem before. Nestled in southern Soulard a mere block or so from the Anheuser-Busch brewery is a former police station turned art gallery. (I mean seriously, any place close enough to smell the hops a brewin' is awesome in and of itself.) I've heard of it before, but have never made the connection that hey, it might have cool sh*t there, being as it's an art gallery and stuff. But, I did not know it used to house the po-pos. So, I got a two-fer tonight, my first book signing and my first foray into an art gallery with jail cells. Oh yeah, it still had jail cells you could hang out in. Double awesome.

We arrived early in order to get our tickets for the book signing. If you bought her new book there, you were assigned a ticket group number, so you could have your book signed. If you didn't buy a book, you had to wait until the very end of the night, if there was time, to get your book signed. I wanted her new book, and I didn't want to wait until the end of the night to get it signed, so I went ahead and bought it and ended up getting into Group #2. Sweet. I wouldn't have to wait around all night. Brenda and I had about an hour wait before she took the stage, but it gave us a chance to check out some of the art hanging on the walls. There is a pop-art-esque exhibit up on the walls now and it's pretty cool. There's a giant image of Marilyn Monroe made entirely out of sugar packets. Blue ones, yellow ones, pink ones. It's amazing. Retarded me didn't think to actually take pictures of any of the art though. Usually art galleries frown on that sort of thing anyways.

Once she arrived, she read a few pages from her book, and all the reasons why I love her came rushing back. Her particular example is how she's trying to be more "cultural", so while in San Francisco, decided to go to Chinatown and learn about tea services. The gist of is that she ended up spending $400 for 4-1lb bags of tea from a tiny Chinese lady who spoke .05% English. And she's pretty sure that 1 pound of that was some kind of black market heroin. Granted, I don't do her justice by paraphrasing, and while I would never buy $400 worth of anything from someone who didn't speak good Engrish, the crap that happens to her sounds exactly like something that would happen to me. Which is awesome.

Talkin' it up.

Only she can pull off plaid shorts, a polo shirt and pearls.

After the reading, she opened up the floor to questions. I wondered what she would be like, off the cuff so to speak. I always wonder if funny people, whether it be writers or comedians, are actually funny when they have nothing prepared. Jen didn't disappoint. Each one of her answers was ridiculous and funny and more often than not, completely long-winded and off topic. Which, if you've met me, you know that I tend to be the Exact. Same. Way. I can't tell you a story in under 5 minutes. It's physically impossible for me to get to the point in a reasonable amount of time. I seriously think that my hair might fall out or my spleen will explode if that were to happen. That's what makes me "me". And it's what makes my blogs so darn entertaining. *wink

I should mention that there was a bar. And 98% of the people at this thing were women. And some of these women were fully experiencing all that the bar had to offer. One woman had a 3-part question for Jen, with an additional follow-up question. All of which made little to no sense to anyone except for the lady asking the question. A few people asked Jen questions about reality shows that I had never even heard of. That's another thing we definitely do not have in common. My idea of reality television is Dancing with the Stars and the Biggest Loser. Jen's idea of quality reality tv is Jersey Shore and any version starting with "The Housewives of..."

Roughly an hour or so passed and it was time for the book signings. I took my leave to head to the little convict's room and use the facilities. Where I was accosted by a lady who was staring very intently at me. I realized that she was trying, in some bizarre way, to engage my participation in her little conversation she was having with no one in particular. I'm not a line talker, people. I don't particularly enjoy making small talk with random strangers while waiting in line to answer nature's call. But, she clearly did not know this. Her first comment to me was "You're gonna love the bathrooms. Have you ever been to the bathroom here before? Oh, you're gonna love these." Really, lady? While, I've been in a few stellar bathrooms that I would probably have no problems living in, I wouldn't necessarily go so far as to say that I actually love a bathroom. Nor do I give bathrooms that much of my time and attention. If there's no pee on the seat or on the floor and if there's toilet paper, it's pretty much A-ok in my book. I gave her the semi-nod and half-smile and tried to avert my attention elsewhere. This did not deter her. She went on to tell me that she had been there before (she was no newbie to THESE bathrooms) at a wedding. A burlesque wedding. Where the bride got naked before the wedding. In front of everyone. Thank God 3 stalls immediately opened up or I would have been forced to hear more about things that make me want to stab myself in the eye.

Not long after I made it back to the gallery, it was our group's turn to wait in line, and the event coordinator was very happy to boot people who weren't in our group yet. I wanted to hug her. We quickly made our way up to the front of the line and Brenda stepped up to get her book signed. She made small talk about Bret Michaels, who Jen is apparently a fan of, and I completely blanked when it was my turn. Granted, they were still talking about Bret, but I found that I literally had nothing to say. I froze and realized that it was best to keep my mouth shut or sputter something crazy like "I like your hair" for lack of something witty to say. We took a few pics with her and went on our way. And that was it. My one chance at thanking her for inspiring me, and I blew it. At least I got two books signed out of it. I had brought my original book Meredith had bought me, along with the new one I had just bought and she kindly signed both of them. Which makes her super awesome.

I'm trying hard not to be fazed by the celebrity next to me.

Me & Brenda with our fav author!

So, I survived my first book signing, and even hung out in one of the jail cells which is home to creepy-naked-statue-man. Thanks to Brenda for telling me about this and to Jen Lancaster (because I just KNOW she is reading this) for being an amazing inspiration to me. It's because of you that I put so much time and effort into making my blog enjoyable for others to read. And it's because of you that I've realized that I've been seriously slacking off the last 6 or so months and really need to get my butt back in gear. I'll admit that I've been lazy. The first 4 months after I turned 30 were my way of relaxing and slowing down after a hectic year. The last 6 there is no excuse other than I've been lazy. I will do my best to do better and get this blog up and running again.

What the fu-hell?

Seriously, what the?

Why so glum, creepy-naked-statue-man?

I'll make it better!