New Thing #80 - Acupuncture

So, I tried acupuncture today. No, I don't really have anything I need to treat, but when the opportunity arose, I had to try it. Living Social offered a deal for an initial consultation and acupuncture treatment, along with one follow-up treatment for over half off. I mean, who wouldn't want to voluntarily get themselves jabbed with tiny needles?

Before I stopped in for my appointment, I filled out all of the forms to get a head start. Good lord, who knew acupuncturists needed to know so much. How many times per year do I get a cold? Am I overly excited, have nervous energy, or am worried or depressed? Do I have low or high energy, have difficulty falling asleep, wake up frequently during the night, have bad dreams, am sensitive to weather changes, have hot flashes, sweat too much, am gassy and nearly two dozen questions about my bowel movements and urine output. Geez lady, at least buy me a drink first.

My appointment was at the same place that I had my numerology done four years ago. Wow, four years ago. Gah, I don't want to think about the fact that I was 29 four years ago. Scratch that, it was almost five years ago. Dammit.

Moving on.

I have to admit, I was NOT expecting the doctor that I had to be the acupuncturist. The girl - and I call her a girl, because she was this teeny tiny petite little thing, who didn't look a day over 25 - was like a little fireball of energy. A fireball that vomited medical information. She started talking the moment she walked in the door and didn't stop for the next hour and a half. I liked her though.

She started reading through my form that listed any and all embarrassing medical moments in my life, and started commenting about each one. We talked about my diet, family history, my overall energy (which has been sporadic and mostly low as of late), my sleeping patterns, and that I'm tired in the evenings but wide awake when it's time for bed, my body temperature and the fact that I sweat easily, but can also get cold and stay cold, the fact that I'm constantly hungry despite the fact that I feel like I'm eating all of the time, and finally ways to help protect my hand when I work out. The conversation was incredibly helpful, and she thought perhaps I might have an underactive thyroid. She suggested iodine pills or seaweed chips (seriously?), but I think I'll consult my doc before I get too crazy. She did tell me that if I start drinking water from the moment that I wake up, that could help with my fatigue. Apparently there have been studies done to not only determine the right amount of water you should be drinking, but also what parts of the day are most effective.

After the initial consultation, she took me back to one of the massage rooms and told me to lie on my back with my shoes and socks off. When I made my appointment, she had told me to wear shorts or capri pants and a t-shirt so she had easy access to stab me with her tiny needles. I may or may not be paraphrasing. She took her alcohol wipes and sanitized my fingers, arms, legs and feet before she began. The needles are protected in their sanitary sheath, so there was no need to wipe them down. She told me that she never reused needles, not even on the same person, so that was a relief. I even saw her toss the used ones at the end into her little biohazard jug.

After the sanitizing, she felt the pulse in my left hand, then in my right, and back to my left and finally with my right again. She kept muttering something about "liver...small intestines...kidneys..." as she was feeling my pulse. I have zero idea what that meant, and in her verbal diarrhea explanation, I got a bit lost. But, whatever it meant, there was something dominant about my right hand. Whether it's because I am indeed right-handed, or I had "blockage" there due to my hand injury, I have no idea. This seemed important to her though.

She started consulting her notes from our chat, as well as a chart that I could barely make out. From what I could see, it was an outline of the human body with notes all over it. She said that she likes to consult charts, especially with new patients, to make sure she's selecting the most effective areas for the needles. And then the muttering started again. I'm sure what sounded to me like random body parts, actually meant something in her overall plan. Each time she'd consult the chart and then place in 2-4 needles in different areas.

She started with ol' pointer finger on my left hand. "I'm going right for the hard stuff first." And then she stuck the needle in about a quarter of an inch down from my fingernail. I wasn't sure what to expect from it, but it wasn't bad. I could definitely feel that insertion - on both forefingers - but, it wasn't unbearable. Annoying, yes. Unbearable, no. She even said that those spots would likely be the worst I felt all day. And, she was right. She proceeded to add needles on my second fingers, my hands/wrist, forearms and elbows, knees, a couple toes, feet/ankles, inner/outer shins, one on my forehead and one on the top of my head. I think that's it. After the first couple in my fingers, I didn't really even feel them anymore.

It took her around 10 minutes to get all of the needles in, due to her chart consultation, but she said it normally only takes a couple of minutes with her recurring patients. After that, she turned on some new age music, turned the lights down and left me to relax for 10-15 minutes. This was supposed to help the needles do their thing. Or something more doctor-y sounding. I looked down at that point to see where all the needles were and realized that I really couldn't feel them in...until I moved my limbs and the flexible wire started swaying back and forth. That was trippy.

I find it incredibly difficult to relax in a situation like this. Even with massages, my mind tends to wander, and I go over the 8 billion things I have to do for the day/week. So, it takes every ounce of strength I have to clear my mind and even out my breathing. Which, kind of negates the purpose of trying to relax if I'm working that hard at it. I did manage to relax a bit, or at least my form of relaxation, before she came back in and removed all of the needles.

I didn't feel the removal of the actual needles, but I thought it was funny that she ran her hands down my arms and legs to make sure she didn't leave any needles in me. She said that she tries to count as she adds the needles, so she can make sure she gets all of them, but that never works for her. Well lady, if you stop talking for 5 seconds, you might be able to keep track of them! I tried to recall where they all were myself, just to make sure I didn't walk out of the office with a needle still attached to my body, but since I hadn't really felt them all go in, I couldn't be sure where she had stuck them.

After that, she said I might feel a burst of energy, but everyone's reactions are different. I made my follow-up appointment for the next week and off I went. Then shit got cray. Over the course of the next 12 hours, I was up and down more than a Catholic at mass. On my way to meet up with a few coworkers to play some practical jokes on a few other unsuspecting coworkers, I started noticing that I was really energetic in the car. Like REALLY energetic. Like a 2 year old hopped up on pixie stix and kool-aid energetic. By the time I finished and grabbed lunch, I thought going for a run was the BEST. IDEA. EVER. As you know from previous blogs: I. HATE. RUNNING. Notice the excessive use of caps lock. This is how my life was for a few glorious hours. Everything was in caps lock.

Until about halfway into my jog/walk. That's when the downward slope hit. It's actually amazing that I made it back to my house without curling up into a little ball in an alley somewhere and taking a cat nap. That would have been fun to explain to some random homeowner. My legs felt like I was dragging two Christmas hams behind me. My lungs were clearly not wanting to participate in all the fun, so they just said eff you and refused to play nice.

By the time I finally made it home, I felt like I was about 102 and barely managed to take a shower. After that, I started feeling better and did some work around the house. I was on the upward slope again. But, it didn't last very long either, and then it was game over. I was lethargic for the remainder of the day. I fell asleep on the couch at one point and it was only 4 in the afternoon. So much for that short burst of energy. Hell, I could have gotten that with a Snickers bar and a Mt. Dew and paid quite a bit less money.

So, the real question is, did it work? As of right now, no. I don't really notice any changes whatsoever in my energy levels or my overall feeling of exhaustion. She did say that it usually takes 3-5 sessions before you notice a difference. That could be true, or that could be a line to get more money. Who knows at this point. I have my additional session in a few days, so we'll see if I notice any additional changes after that one!

--Follow-up week: I honestly didn't really notice any changes. I did, however, try to start drinking more water as soon as I woke up, and holy crap, all I've done for the past week is pee. Every. Freaking. Hour. I think that what doctors don't tell you is that the reason drinking water is so good for you is because all you do is walk to and from the bathroom all day. It's amazing I've gotten any work done.

At my follow-up appointment a week later, we talked more about the exhaustion thing (I had bloodwork done at my doctor's and everything came back normal). So, instead of working on my hand this time around, she figured she'd work more on the fatigue. So, the needles didn't go in the same places she did before. I had some in my thumb (which hurt worse than the fingers from last week), more of my toes, including pinky, and a few other changes, but mostly, she used needles on my stomach. I think I had a dozen or so around my belly button and some on either side of my abs.

But, she didn't inform me that she was going to do my stomach until after she had a few needles in each one of my hands. So, instead of me pulling my shirt up a bit and rolling down my waistline, she just dug right in and started unbuttoning my pants. It's a good thing I'm not really all that shy, because I have a feeling other people might have jumped off the table. All she did was unbutton the top button of my pants and tuck the two edges into the waistline, but it was still pretty funny.

This time I was able to relax more and fell in and out of sleep on a few occasions. I woke myself up snoring, so I was really hoping it wasn't too loud! She said that was a good sign because it means I was able to relax and get the most out of my session.

--It's been a few weeks since my sessions, and I can't say I've noticed much of a difference. I didn't really expect to. I went into the treatments with zero expectations, and I wasn't disappointed. I'm not sad I had them though. It was a pretty neat experience.