I'm quite sure that on more than one occasion, I fell asleep specifically because there was golf on TV. It was a perfect nap aid.
Sure, I've played my fair share of mini golf, but it's usually without any real sense of competition and I end up cheating in some form before the game is over. (Usually its just to keep the game moving, not necessarily to try to win. Or perhaps because I'm bored.) I've also spent some time driving around the golf course while other people played, but that was strictly because I wanted to drive the cart. And beer was almost always part of the deal. I do recall one time in college when I joined my roommate and my brother on the golf course in Rolla. Before we even made it to the driving range, I was too sick to even think about spending the day galavanting around the golf course, so I went home to sleep while they played.
So, I figured at some point I really needed to see what was so freaking fantastic about hitting a tiny ball all over creation and trying to sink it into an equally tiny hole. Plus, I was pretty pumped about getting to drive the cart.
Over 4th of July weekend, Meredith came into St. Louis to visit and celebrate my birthday. Her mom and stepdad, Al, live on a golf course in St. Charles. Al pretty much golfs on a daily basis now that he's retired. He seemed like the best candidate to be the Obi-Wan to our young Jedis. Plus, Meredith has a work tournament coming up and she needed the practice.
Our golfing day arrived and for July 5th, the weather was relatively mild. Sure, it was warm, but it wasn't in the triple digits like pretty much every other year. Thank God. I donned the only moisture wicking polo I own (I was trying to look as country-clubbish as I possibly could) and we headed to the driving range to practice. I had no idea what to expect. I had resigned myself to the fact that I would likely suck and would have to run all over the fairways trying to collect my wayward balls.
I was pleasantly surprised by my first attempts at just hitting the ball and connected more times than not, and on several occasions actually got pretty decent air on the ball. Who knew? Granted, it didn't always go in the direction I aimed for, and my swing wasn't exactly "pretty" by any stretch of the imagination, but neither was it terrible or hopeless. Al was pretty proud and kept saying that actually hitting the ball is harder than it looks and I should be proud of what I could do. Because it's not easy. Woo! I also "whiffed" the ball on a few occasions and completely missed, but hey, you win some you lose some. After a few false starts, Mere started kicking some ass as well.
After about ten or so minutes, we moseyed on over to practice putting. And this is where I started sucking. I think out of the dozen or so putts, only one, maybe two actually came close to the hole. I'd hit one too hard and it would sail right past the hole, so on the next attempt, I'd try to rein it in a bit and end up falling way short. Well, shit. There wasn't time to perfect the putt, since our tee time was upon us. It's now or never.
Since this was my first time, and Meredith has only been a handful of times, Al decided we should play scramble style. Everyone tees off, and then whoever's ball is closest to the hole gets played. So, if Al got closest to the hole, Meredith and I would move our balls to his location and play our next stroke there.
Good grief, golf has some dirty innuendos.
The scramble type of play would do one of two things. First, it would allow us to keep up the pace of the game so the people teeing off behind us wouldn't catch up to us. And two, it would keep Meredith and I (but mostly me) from getting overly frustrated if we played poorly. I was on board with this type of play, since this was more for Mere's practice than for me.
Up to Hole #1 and Al teed off first from the male tees. Then, Mere and I moved up to the women's tees and tried our luck.
And here's where I pretty much forgot all the details. I mean, I remember the whole day, but I didn't keep notes on each hole, so everything just kind of blurred together. I didn't want to take it that seriously, so I'll just break it down for you into what I remember from the Front 9.
1. I had a few decent drives.
2. I had more than a few terrible drives.
3. I might have had a do-over drive.
4. I whiffed often.
5. We played off of some of my balls, but mostly it was Al or Meredith that were closer to the hole. But, I was pretty freaking excited when we got to use one of mine.
6. My putts were mostly awful.
7. Even though I thought I was keeping my head down and my eyes on the ball, Al and Mere's mom, Marla, were more than willing to yell at me that I wasn't.
8. There are too many things to try to remember while swinging. Knees bent. Head down. Eye on the ball. Left arm straight. Don't squint. Shoulders down. Count backwards from 3. Don't hold your breath. Fart twice, swing once. Tee dancing is strictly forbidden. Don't swing too hard. Head down. Let the club do the work. Breathe. EYES ON THE BALL! Okay, some of those might be made up.
9. I really REALLY enjoyed driving the golf cart.
10. Mere and I got yelled at for driving on the wrong part of the course, when Al and Marla did the exact same thing on the previous hole. Cheaters.
11. Mere was taking it more serious than I was.
12. I was actually having more fun that I thought I would.
13. The noise made when my club struck the ball was pretty awesome.
14. I had zero water hazard shots and landed in zero sand traps.
15. I did end up in the rough on occasion, but luckily, we didn't end up playing my ball so it didn't matter.
We finished our Front 9 in really good time and actually ended up at par for the course. I had very little to do with that and will mostly credit Al for keeping us on target. Although, Mere was a beast and held her own quite well. She even had a killer putt that impressed even Al.
We stopped for a quick bite to eat (bacon wrapped hot dog, anyone?) since it was well past lunch and contemplated our next move. Do we play another 9 holes or call it a day? I was having fun and didn't really want to end yet, although I wasn't really feeling up to playing a full 9 holes. Meredith wanted the practice, and we both felt bad that Al had given up playing with the guys that day to teach us. We opted to play on, and I figured I'd just sit out any holes I didn't feel like. Oh, and I also required beer if we were going to keep going. Since we started before lunch, none of us had really felt in the mood to drink beer. (I know, shocking, right?) But once the seriousness had worn off, I was ready for some liquid refreshments. Bud Light to the rescue.
Since our break lasted a bit longer than it probalby should have, some old bitties got in front of us at Hole #10 and ended up verbally duking it out with Al for a spot on the green. Since they were being pains in the asses, we just skipped over 10 and went straight for 11. Here are my recollections from the Back 9.
1. Golf is better with Bud Light.
2. Driving a golf cart is fun.
3. Hole #14 looks an awful lot like Hole #3 or was it #7?
4. The tornado that went through did some major damage to the trees and houses in the area.
5. Marla kept pointing out giant houses that had been condemned and were due to be torn down and rebuilt. Two or three had been abandoned due to a spider infestation. What the what?
5. Who needs water when you have ice cold BL?
6. Do-overs are widely underappreciated. They should institute them more in sports.
7. Teeing off is not very successful with your eyes shut.
8. Bud Light is delishhhous.
9. Golf carts don't go nearly fast enough.
10. Marla and Al are not amused when we go rogue on the course to find a downed ball and all we keep yelling is "Shhhh....we're hunting wabbits."
11. I skipped out on Holes #16 & #17.
12. To fit in with Mere and Al, I purposely hit a ball into the water.
13. Thank God for restrooms every few holes. Who knew golf course bathrooms would be so nice?
14. Is that BL #5 or 6? EIGHT? No, it's #7. Right?
15. What game are we playing?
Since this was my first time, and Meredith has only been a handful of times, Al decided we should play scramble style. Everyone tees off, and then whoever's ball is closest to the hole gets played. So, if Al got closest to the hole, Meredith and I would move our balls to his location and play our next stroke there.
Good grief, golf has some dirty innuendos.
The scramble type of play would do one of two things. First, it would allow us to keep up the pace of the game so the people teeing off behind us wouldn't catch up to us. And two, it would keep Meredith and I (but mostly me) from getting overly frustrated if we played poorly. I was on board with this type of play, since this was more for Mere's practice than for me.
Up to Hole #1 and Al teed off first from the male tees. Then, Mere and I moved up to the women's tees and tried our luck.
And here's where I pretty much forgot all the details. I mean, I remember the whole day, but I didn't keep notes on each hole, so everything just kind of blurred together. I didn't want to take it that seriously, so I'll just break it down for you into what I remember from the Front 9.
1. I had a few decent drives.
2. I had more than a few terrible drives.
3. I might have had a do-over drive.
4. I whiffed often.
5. We played off of some of my balls, but mostly it was Al or Meredith that were closer to the hole. But, I was pretty freaking excited when we got to use one of mine.
6. My putts were mostly awful.
7. Even though I thought I was keeping my head down and my eyes on the ball, Al and Mere's mom, Marla, were more than willing to yell at me that I wasn't.
8. There are too many things to try to remember while swinging. Knees bent. Head down. Eye on the ball. Left arm straight. Don't squint. Shoulders down. Count backwards from 3. Don't hold your breath. Fart twice, swing once. Tee dancing is strictly forbidden. Don't swing too hard. Head down. Let the club do the work. Breathe. EYES ON THE BALL! Okay, some of those might be made up.
9. I really REALLY enjoyed driving the golf cart.
10. Mere and I got yelled at for driving on the wrong part of the course, when Al and Marla did the exact same thing on the previous hole. Cheaters.
11. Mere was taking it more serious than I was.
12. I was actually having more fun that I thought I would.
13. The noise made when my club struck the ball was pretty awesome.
14. I had zero water hazard shots and landed in zero sand traps.
15. I did end up in the rough on occasion, but luckily, we didn't end up playing my ball so it didn't matter.
We finished our Front 9 in really good time and actually ended up at par for the course. I had very little to do with that and will mostly credit Al for keeping us on target. Although, Mere was a beast and held her own quite well. She even had a killer putt that impressed even Al.
We stopped for a quick bite to eat (bacon wrapped hot dog, anyone?) since it was well past lunch and contemplated our next move. Do we play another 9 holes or call it a day? I was having fun and didn't really want to end yet, although I wasn't really feeling up to playing a full 9 holes. Meredith wanted the practice, and we both felt bad that Al had given up playing with the guys that day to teach us. We opted to play on, and I figured I'd just sit out any holes I didn't feel like. Oh, and I also required beer if we were going to keep going. Since we started before lunch, none of us had really felt in the mood to drink beer. (I know, shocking, right?) But once the seriousness had worn off, I was ready for some liquid refreshments. Bud Light to the rescue.
Since our break lasted a bit longer than it probalby should have, some old bitties got in front of us at Hole #10 and ended up verbally duking it out with Al for a spot on the green. Since they were being pains in the asses, we just skipped over 10 and went straight for 11. Here are my recollections from the Back 9.
1. Golf is better with Bud Light.
2. Driving a golf cart is fun.
3. Hole #14 looks an awful lot like Hole #3 or was it #7?
4. The tornado that went through did some major damage to the trees and houses in the area.
5. Marla kept pointing out giant houses that had been condemned and were due to be torn down and rebuilt. Two or three had been abandoned due to a spider infestation. What the what?
5. Who needs water when you have ice cold BL?
6. Do-overs are widely underappreciated. They should institute them more in sports.
7. Teeing off is not very successful with your eyes shut.
8. Bud Light is delishhhous.
9. Golf carts don't go nearly fast enough.
10. Marla and Al are not amused when we go rogue on the course to find a downed ball and all we keep yelling is "Shhhh....we're hunting wabbits."
11. I skipped out on Holes #16 & #17.
12. To fit in with Mere and Al, I purposely hit a ball into the water.
13. Thank God for restrooms every few holes. Who knew golf course bathrooms would be so nice?
14. Is that BL #5 or 6? EIGHT? No, it's #7. Right?
15. What game are we playing?
Needless to say, the Back 9 were much less fruitful, but way more entertaining. I blame it on the Bud Light, Al blames it on exhaustion. Either way, I likely should not have even attempted those last holes, since my head was clearly not in the game. But, damn did I enjoy myself.
Overall, it was a pretty fun day, despite the fact that I'm not likely to go pro anytime soon. I was actually better than I thought I would be (only when sober though), and with a little practice, I might be decent enough not to make a fool out of myself in front of complete strangers. I think the fun of the day had as much to do with the company as it did with my mildly mediocre skills. Mere, as well as Marla and Al, made the day enjoyable, and I can't begin to thank Al enough for his patience with us. He really was a great teacher, and helped us with little things along the way. His constant "It's not easy." remark every time we'd get frustrated with ourselves, as well as giving us encouragement when we did something right was the perfect amount of Obi-Wan that we needed for a relaxing day of golf.
Here are a few photos from the day. For my golf-playing friends, please no judgements on my stance, swing, or overall look. I worked with what I had. :)
 |
| I wanted to drive this cart, but it was someone's personal cart. Bummer. :( |
 |
| First drive attempt. |
 |
| Yes, I realize my stance is weird. |
 |
| Trying to putt. |
 |
| Sorry it's dark. We wanted to stand in the shade. |
 |
| Al! |
 |
| Al showing Mere and Marla some putting tips. |
 |
| Best buds....going on 16 years. |
 |
| I asked Marla to get a shot of the follow through, but the camera was never fast enough. I had to hold the pose so she could get a photo. :o |
 |
| Mere would do 3 or 4 practice swings before her real swing. It's amazing we're not still on the course. ;-) |
 |
| This was during a practice swing....I think. |
 |
| Shoot. I whiffed. |
Would I golf again? Yeah, I would. Would I want to play with someone who doesn't take it too seriously? Absolutely! Thanks to Mere, Marla and Al for taking part in my first golf outing!
we should get a 4some and play in a fundraiser tourney...they are always a scramble/best ball, there is always beer (although, you're probably like in darts like a 2-4 beer better player) =) i'm glad you had fun and will do it again!!! it's a fun game, especially when doing it for FUN!!
ReplyDelete